The Mind of Mckay
by flowerfaerie17
Summary: A look into Mckay's mind and past.


Zelenka strapped the metal band to Mckay's head and took a step back to were the crowd stood waiting.

"So what exactly are we going to be doing?" Mckay asked fiddling with the band on his head.

"We are going to take a look at your thoughts,see how your brain works." Zelenka explained" When we activate the band a screen will appear and we can see what is going on in there .We've done it with others both military and scientists."

"It's perfectly safe." Carson said reassuringly

"Then why do you need me?" Mckay said eyeing him suspiciously

"Because." Sheppard drawled "Everyone here wants to see if you really as smart as you say you are"

"So saving your lives over and over again wasn't enough proof." Mckay frowned and shifted in his seat.

"Nope." Ronon said bluntly

"From what we've been able to discover so far when the average....well above average because we have the best of the best here, brain is actively thinking about a problem in their field of expertise, things move faster and in more of a focused line and most other thoughts tune out for a while."Zelenka said as he typed on the tablet in his hand.

"Fine let's get this over with." Mckay said. Zelenka activated the device and as promised a screen came up for all to see.

The screen was white with golden random thoughts running across the screen in different directions like coding.

"Wow." Someone breathed in the crowd.

"I must say you do have an awful lot going on in your head." Teyla said not that she was surprised.

The audience studied the image for a moment.

"That's my project." Someone called out.

"and mine." a tall scientist put in, noticing a thought running in the background.

"Rodney,What's the count down for lad?" Carson asked causing everyone to look from the screen that had 2 hours left on the count down to Rodney.

"That's when I'm going to slip into a coma from lack of food." Rodney answered searching his pocket for a power bar.

Carson handed him one which Rodney took and they watched as the count down reset it's self.

"You know this explains why you can't fly in a straight line." Sheppard commented earning himself a glare.

"Can we get on with this?" Mckay asked.

Zelenka stepped forward with the tablet, handing it off to him "This is the problem you need to solve involving the city shield."

Rodney took a look at the tablet and started typing idly.

A general murmur of "Holy Crap" went through the crowd in several different languages as a few people gasped.

The screen had now lost all background thought, there was now just one thought running through his head so fast it had turned to nothing more then golden light. Occasionally a smaller thought would come out of nowhere adding itself to the mass.

"This hasn't happened before." Carson said looking slightly concerned "Not even with Radek."

"He is fine." Zelenka assured.

"It is no wonder he has such headaches." Teyla said trying to follow what was going on in her friends head but failing.

"Rodney, you nearly done?"Sheppard asked.

Another thought appeared below the main stream "In a minute." He replied before the smaller thought disappeared.

Exactly one minute later things on the screen slowed down and became more chaotic and Mckay stopped typing.

"Well?" Sheppard asked getting impatient.

"I think I've found a way to run the shield and the cloak at the same time. Maybe even merge them." Mckay said with a grin. "Oh and I solved that stupid problem of yours Radek." He added handing over the tablet so Radek could take a look.

Not paying attention to the look of awe on some on the lab assistants faces he asked " Are we

done?"

Zelenka shook his head "We have a few more questions before the next stage."

"Like what?"

"Like why your big brain can't seem to remember people's names."Sheppard informed him.

Mckay rolled his eyes "Whether I like it or not all there names are in here. I just bury it so I can keep more important things to the for front."

At the shared skeptical looks he said "Fine pick anyone, I'll show you."

"Ok." Sheppard said before heading to the crowd and hauled a marine out."Whose he?" He gave Mckay a smirk.

"Shame on you for not knowing your own marines names." Mckay said shaking his finger at him which earned him an eyeroll.

"Rodney, get on with it." Carson said with a sigh.

"Fine." The screen changed as Mckay dug deeper, He flipped past the more important names before name after name ran across the screen. "Here he is." He annouced "His name is Sgt Henry Gates, Nickname Big Bang because of his work with explosives." Mckay rolled his eyes "His best friend is Sgt Millie Charles , a lot of rumours fly around about that, all wrong. Henry Gates also has a pregnant twin sister, Hailey Potts, back on Earth, it's his first time being an uncle."

They watch as the information streamed across the screen,"Is this all correct Sgt?" Carson asked Henry "Yes sir"

"Ok Sgt you can step back now." Sheppard instructed turning to look at Mckay "If you remember all that now, how come you can't remember all the time?"

"Because most of the time I'm busy. So I either look for the answer to save everyone's lives or look for a name." Mckay told them scratching his head.

"Wait. You couldn't remember Zelenka's name but now you can." Sheppard said.

"Yes." Was the only answer he got.

"How? How did you remember him?"

"He got an upgrade to here." Mckay said as the screen changed to show his team's names, Carsons, Elizabeth, Ford, Jeannie and several others "Can we get a move on." Mckay demanded, avoidling further questioning.

"Let's move to the next stage." Carson said "One of us will say a word and hopeful it will conjure up an image in your mind for us all to see. Now don't worry." Carson added seeing the look on Mckay's face "It will be nothing too personal."

"Ok." Mckay said but still looked nervous as Zelenka changed the setting on the device so the screen went white.

"Alright, John has the first one." Carson said nodding over at Sheppard.

"Lemons." Sheppard said as they looked expectantly at the screen.

They weren't disappointed. An image of a three year old boy with brown hair appeared, he was gasping for air on the kitchen floor as a woman, with startling blue eyes, rocked him, whispering for him to 'just hold on baby, just hold on' with one last gasp of precious air, everything went black.

Everyone looked from the screen to Mckay "What the hell was that?" Some idiot asked "All he said was lemons."

"I think that's obvious you imbecile." Mckay snapped at the crowd in general "That was my first allergic reaction." He then turned to Sheppard who was just staring at him " And If you wanted to know if it was true, all you had to do was ask Carson."

"I knew it was true." Sheppard assured him "This was the safest way of finding out what would happen if you had a reaction."

Mckay just scowled at him. "Dr Gaul would have loved to have seen this." A small scientist in the front of the crowd whispered.

In that instant the sound of a gun shot rang out. Everyone turned to the screen seeing Mckay stood in a hive ship with a look of utter shock and terror on his face as he started to turn around.

The image abruptly went black and was slammed into a metal box before being thrown to the back of Mckay's mind "Mckay?" Sheppard asked quietly, he didn't answer just sat breathing heavily. "Rodney?" Teyla asked softly placing her hand on his.

"I'm fine I'm fine." He said taking a deep breath "Just got taken by surprise..sorry." he apologised because nobody but him was ever supposed to see that.

"Do you want to stop?" Carson asked

"No, no I'm fine." Mckay looked around at all the shocked faces "But maybe we could do this without the audience." Ronon immediately stood and herded everyone out without a word.

Leaving just Carson, Teyla, Zelenka, Sheppard and Ronon.

"I was thinking." Sheppard started cautiously "Maybe we should stick with safer subjects to test this device."

"Sounds like a plan." Mckay said.

"Let's try Canada." Zelenka said going for something a little safer.

A image came up on the screen of a large pond completely frozen over, it was surrounded with woodland that was coated in snow. A boy of 9 was skating on the ice when he spotted a little girl of 3 with blonde curls stood at the edge. He skated over "Jeannie." He called "Are you coming." He held out his hand for her as he got closer.

She shook her head sucking her thumb. It was obvious she wanted to go but was too scared.

"There's nothing to be scared of Jeannie." Rodney assured coming even closer "You want me to show you."

She nodded, giving a little smile. Rodney smiled down at her before picking her up " Ready?" He asked she nodded again this time with a bigger smile.

Rodney stepped onto the ice and started skating, twirling around and making Jeannie giggle.

Mckay made the image darken again.

Looking away from the screen they all gazed at him. He noticed most of them were sporting goofy smiles "She was being ridiculous, that pond froze rock solid every year, there was no way of falling through." he groused, they continued smiling and smirking "Will you wipe that look off your faces." He complained which just caused them to smile even more.

Mckay glared at them until Ronon finally spoke up "I wanna know about the energy being you encountered."

Mckay glad of the distraction from seeing his softer side thought back and brought up the image.

This time they were seeing it through Mckay's eyes.

"Mckay!" Sheppard called stopping at the top of the stairs as Mckay stepped into the Darkness.

It wasn't as dark inside the creature as it was outside, little bursts of electricity went off at random intervals, they watched as he drew closer to the naquadah generator, black spots started to dance across the screen. When he finally reached the generator everything was a fuzzy and blurred. He grabbed the generator and threw it through the gate just before everything went black.

Mckay ended the scene there as they knew what happened next.

"Rodney." Carson started calmly but then exploded "Why didn't ye tell me ye passed out from LACK OF OXYGEN!"

Mckay looked at him like they had lost their marbles "I thought you knew! Where in the hell did you get the idea that a ENERGY CREATURE was just teeming with oxygen? All I had was those little pockets you just saw." Mckay's expression screaming 'DUH!'.

"You could have bloody mentioned it!" Carson said angry over something that had happened ages ago.

"Well it looks like I gave you too much credit because as I said I thought you knew." Mckay shot back getting angry himself.

Teyla decided to step in "Perhaps we should move on." her suggestion more of an order.

Mckay scowled but said no more.

"Piano." Carson blurted out.

Rodney just sighed as another image came to life on showing a young boy sat at the piano playing, he carried on playing for a moment longer before an old man grabbed his wrists shaking his head "Rodney." He started "You are a fine clinical but you have no sense of the art." The young Rodney bowed his head "Your soul...has a darkness, making it impossible for you to become a good pianist."

Young Rodney nodded looking at the ground before sucking in a breath and looking the old man right in the eye "I quit." He stated firmly as the man nodded his agreement before getting up and leaving the house with his head held high.

The screen returned to normal.

"Thanks for that Carson." Mckay grumbled more to fill the silence "Warn a guy next time."

"Rodney." Teyla said gently "That man was terribly wrong, there is no darkness within your soul."

Mckay didn't answer, taking great interest in his finger nails.

"I can't believe you quit after what some old guy said."Ronon said bluntly earning him a smack on the arm from Sheppard.

Mckay's head shot up "That wasn't just 'some old guy' that was my Grandad and when my Grandad told you something you damn well had better listen." Mckay snapped angrily.

Zelenka muttered something in Czech as Carson said "That." He pointed to the screen "Was your Grandfather."

"That's what I just said." Mckay said rolling his eyes.

"Is he dead?" Ronon asked rather bluntly.

"Yeah but what has that got to do with it?"Mckay asked confused.

"It's just nice to know." Ronon grunted as Sheppard nodded in agreement.

Mckay huffed a laugh before saying "Are we done now."

"One last thing." Sheppard said "What do you dream about."

Mckay scowled at him "None of your business." Mckay was already trying to stop the machine and seemed to be failing.

"You do not have to show us." Teyla said soothingly.

"It doesn't seem I have a choice." Mckay ground out "It's not going to be pretty."

The screen started up again.

It showed Mckay running flat out through Atlantis, alarms blaring.

Mckay skidded to a halt in the control room as the alarms stopped.

There were bodies everywhere some oozing blood from bullet wounds, some dried up husks.

They watched as Mckay went from body to body checking for signs of life, as he closed Teyla's and Carson's eyes and wiped some blood off of Ronon's head, as he replaced Zelenka's glasses.

The city was deathly quiet until a gurgled gasp broke the silence. Mckay ran over to the noise, finding Sheppard lying with a knife in his gut and blood pooling around him.

Mckay slammed to his knees pressing his hands over the wound trying to slow the blood flow. Sheppard eyes flickered open and focused on Mckay "Sheppard." He called "Sheppard stay with me."

Sheppard focused wavered for a second "John!." He yelled.

"Everyone...d-died." He gasped. Mckay nodded pressing down harder"Y-you weren't...f-fast enough. Y-ou...d-didn't ....save..us."

Sheppard's eyelids slid shut as Mckay scrambled for a pulse "Sheppard." he called frantically" John wake up. Please wake up."

The screen went white again.

"Bastard." Mckay muttered tugging at the device. Zelenka stepped forward and removed it before hurrying out of the room saying something about getting to work and the shield leaving the rest of them to deal with Rodney.

"Well that was...vivid." Sheppard said shifting on his stool.

Mckay glared at him, crossing his arms,"Just be thankful you only had to see it once. At least you wanted to see it."

"I didn't want to see that." Sheppard pointed to screen "I asked you what you dream about, not what you have nightmares about."

"All I ever have is nightmares!" Mckay shot back angrily "The only time there isn't is when I don't dream at all."

"Have you tried going to Heightmeyer." Carson asked concerned.

"She said I worry to much and put to much pressure on myself. I to her that's my job, that's what keeps me up late and gets me up early. To keep everyone alive I need to find the answer before there is even a question." Mckay looked each of them in the eye "To ensure that day isn't the day I'm too late, isn't the day I don't have the answer and isn't the day everyone dies."

"Rodney-" They started but he held up a hand.

"I also told her that I wasn't the only one under pressure but she suggested medication so I told her that the dreams had stopped." Mckay glared around at them all."And if she hears otherwise I will be informing her of your weird sleeping habits."

"We won't- wait how would you know about our sleeping habits, weird or otherwise." Sheppard asked as the all eyed Mckay who had stood up.

"I work late and you don't always stay in your rooms." Mckay headed towards the door "Some of you are in league with Lt Ferris."

"What does Ferris do exactly?"Carson asked looking weary.

"I find him at least once a week asleep in the broken Ancient scanner, hugging a carrot." Mckay said heading down the hall and leaving the others eyeing each other, wondering which of them was that weird.


End file.
